If Love Is Kind...

                   ...Then Love Shouldn't Hurt

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Happily Never After

He was cute. Very cute. We met for a brief moment at a dance when I was in 8th grade. I liked him, he liked me, but the dance ended and so did our contact. I thought I would never meet him again. 

Fate intervened.

A year later, we met at a church play and picked up where we had left off. We flirted all the time and it was obvious what we felt. Eventually, after many moons and issues, I got my dream boy, my true love, my Prince Charming.

Or so I thought.

After a few months, we were at a party of an old friend of mine when something happened. We fought. We left the party quickly and fought in the car. There was the usual "you don't love me" and "we're through." After a few moments of silence, I reached over to him to grab his hand and make things better. He grabbed it, but instead of smiling, he looked at me, then shoved me against my door and told me to never "f**** touch" him again. I was shocked. I was more blinded by the fact he didn't want to make things better more than the fact he had shoved me. Eventually  he cooled off and we got better. He left for a few months and came back. I changed schools and started going to his school and life couldn't have been better.

Then we started fighting more.

Something had changed in my Prince. He was more agitated now, quicker to anger, less jovial, and definitely more possessive of me. We hung out almost everyday, doing everything together. I no longer hung out with my friends; my world revolved around him. I didn't care- I was happy. Bit by bit, I was being engulfed in my infatuation, but too in lust to see it, I didn't care. But the fights still existed. He was so mean to me. When we fought, he called me horrible names, said rude things, and insulted everything about me. Whore, slut, b****, all these names had now become my names when we fought. He would attack my clothes, how I was too "flirty" or didn't spend enough time with him. I never did anything right in his eyes. I just kept screwing up. It was my fault.

This went on for months. Arguing, me apologizing, and the cycle continued. One day, he took me behind a grocery store where my ex-boyfriend met him. My boyfriend then proceeded to yell at both of us about our relationship, something my boyfriend had not been around for. He said cruel things to my ex-boyfriend and I. Not only was he abusing me, but he was going after other innocent people involved in my life. Ex boyfriends, friends, even family members. He never ceased to remind me how stupid I was, how dumb they were, how "sh**-filled" my entire family was and how I'd be better off alone. I hated being alive but I couldn't live with out him.

He started cheating on me with a good friend of mine. While I'd be waiting for him to meet me somewhere, he'd be off with her going out and having a good time. Many times he stood me, my friends, and even his friends up to be with this girl. I knew about it, but neither of them would admit to it. Things were getting worse and worse. School was a nightmare- he was everywhere and telling everyone that I was the problem, I was the "b***" ruining his life. Even teachers would ask about how I could be so cruel. I wanted to die. 

Then it all came crashing down

2/28/03: A class of ours went on a field trip. At lunch, some of us were sitting at a table when he leaned over to kiss me. Happy he was paying attention, I eagerly awaited his kiss. When he was about to kiss me, he instead spit food all over my mouth and my face, and laughed. He thought it was hilarious! Trying not to cry, I smiled and went along with it. Later that day, I agreed to meet him at his house after church. After mass, he was not home. He had gone to party that he wasn't invited to and tried to hide it from me. His mother called him and told me where he was. I went to see him and she was there. In front of me, they flirted and I no longer existed. On the way home, he told me distinctly not to "pay attention" to him at the party the next week because "people isolate us and I want to be social." I agreed to comply. I was sick of him.
3/4/03: I spent the day hanging out with some friends of mine from school while he went out with the girl. I managed to get two guy friends of mine to come to the party so I would not be alone. As I predicted, my boyfriend of over a year ignored me completely, being with the other girl. I was heartbroken. I saw the writing on the wall; it was over. Now I waited for him to break up with me. 
3/5/03: I woke up ready to go to church to help with youth group. Wearing a new shirt, I went to church. About an hour later, he showed up, disheveled and angry. He told me to follow him because we had to talk. He was loud and swearing- I was surprised no one noticed. We went behind the stage near the back kitchen. 
    He reamed me out. F-this, S-that, I was this, and that, and that, and this, and every explicative imaginable he used. I was worthless, I was nothing, I should be killed, I wasn't worthy of him, I was sh--. I was used to this, so I just stood there. Seeing my indifference, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently. 
"Can't you hear a f**** thing I'm saying, you stupid b**?!?" He screamed that over and over. I was praying so hard that someone would hear him and get me away from him. I tried to leave, but he wouldn't let go. We struggled a little. He told me to sit down "or else." I didn't comply. I had had enough. I told him to f** off and to leave me, it was over. As I turned to walk away, he grabbed my arms and pulled me back. I recoiled and slapped him. 

I knew I was going to die.

I turned and ran. I felt him push me. After this point, I don't remember much. I remember hitting something very hard and extremely cold. Then I was on the floor and very dizzy. I knew I was screaming. Some people came to help me, but he was trying to drag me away from the door so no one could see me. According to what I was told, while being led away, I asked why the lady was bleeding so much. She replied, 
"Honey, that's you that's bleeding all this blood."
I was bleeding from my elbow, knee, and my head. I was later told that the door I had been shoved into had to be repainted that day because my blood had left trails going down it from my impact. I remember speaking to a sheriff and him telling me that I could really do nothing other than file a non-persecuting something... I did so. I later found out my (now ex) boyfriend had had charges from his own mother. 

A week later, I was in a car accident, partly due to him. While being put into the ambulance, he looked at me with hate. I spent my time in the hospital with a friend of mine who never left my side. I went to school in a neck brace and bandages from the burns I had received. I still have the scars.

I have not been the same since. 

I chose this project because I wanted people to hear THE story, not mine, but the story of abuse, teenage abuse. It's real, it's prevalent, and something MUST be done about it. Please don't let my story become yours too.

Remember:

If love is kind, then love shouldn't hurt

Love Is Kind is the Gold Award Project of M.P.  All other products mentioned are registered trademarks or trademarks of their respective companies.

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Last modified: Monday February 21, 2005.